I am ashamed of myself. Every time I have convinced myself that I am a lover of people and I accept everyone, I blow it. Today I was at my local grocery store, The Nugget, which by most standards is a high-er class store because of the prices and look of the store. You also receive terrific service there.
So today I swing in to grab some potluck grub for my work function and I am in line behind a woman.
This woman was purchasing baby food, various other baby items, cereal and milk. I believe she also had two greeting cards. She was a bit disheveled in appearance. She was also covered head to toe in tattoos. I would like to say I have nothing against tattoos. I personally to not bear any, but that is a personal choice, not a conviction.
So as the cashier is ringing up her purchase I notice that she is paying with a WIC check. I don’t know much about the system other than you have to use it for certain things and you present it instead of cash.
Immediately my mind is like, “Wow, I have never seen someone on WIC in a Nugget before. How interesting. I wonder why she comes here instead of going to a cheaper store. I wonder if she is embarrassed that she has to use that. I wonder, I wonder, I wonder…”
As I watched the transaction finish and I myself was rung up I was ashamed of myself. I don’t know her story. I don’t know how many children she has, if she is married, employed, disabled, mentally handicapped or a host of other reasons why she might not be able to financially support herself and her kids. What is WRONG with me?
What is that term? “But for the grace of God there go I”
What if it were me?
Would I want people judging me unjustly? What if she was raped? What if everyone in her life asked her to kill that baby before it ruined her life but she chose instead to give it life and the consequences be DAMNED. What if her kids are actually her brother’s children that she adopted after he was murdered and she is working a minimum wage job but still can’t afford the bills? What if, what if, what if.
If I gave people such a raw glimpse into my life, what could they saw about me? Just because I can dress up every day and do my hair and put on make-up doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to be judged. Just because I don’t have children out of wedlock or am not on government assistance doesn’t mean I don’t lie, cheat, steal and destroy others with my tongue every single say. Just because I can pretend better than her doesn’t mean I am not hurting inside sometimes.
Father, forgive me. Have mercy on me. Teach me your everlasting love. Thank you for loving the least of these. Thank you for loving me.