I haven’t posted in a while.
I have stared at this computer screen dozens of times in the last couple months to start writing something funny, something serious or just to jot down my grocery list for all to read. Each time I sit with my fingers poised over the keys, yet…I couldn’t do it. I would blame writers block except that I have a million things I want to say. I think I hesitate because I am not sure how to go back to how I was writing in light of my last post.
After posting my last blog, “Fighting My Own Demons” which was a big, brutal, honest step for me, I was overwhelmed with caring, compassionate and equally honest responses from my friends and family. I was amazed at how many people thanked me for shedding some light on a mostly misunderstood disease (one that many of them either have or know someone who has it).
It just validates the fact that so many people live in a private prison of pain, both physically and emotionally and they don’t feel safe sharing that pain with those who love them. I guess that is what saddens me most. The thought that some people have no one that they feel safe enough to open up with.
Then again, I have scores of people in my life who love me. People that support me, pray for me and want nothing less than the best for me. Yet I too, close myself off. If I ever sat one of them down and told them everything I wrote in my post, I have no doubt they would have hugged me, prayed for me and offered to do anything they could to support me.
So why didn’t I? Why DON’T I? I don’t know.
I do know that I am a private sufferer. I don’t like to share my weaknesses, particularly if it means someone might pity me or think I can’t do anything I want.
I do wonder if people look at me differently now. Do they feel sorry for me or do they think I am brave? If I am feeling a little sore one day am I going to be treated like glass? Will they limit themselves around me or constantly wonder if I can “handle” life?
I can handle life. I love life and every gift that God has given me in this life. So I struggle? Who cares! Life without struggle would be dull and predictable. Struggle allows us to overcome and triumph. You know, one of those “character building” situations that my school teachers were always talking about….
So here is to struggle. Here is to triumph. Here is to making the most of every struggle you face and not allowing it to hold you back.