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A Morning Alone

This morning I woke up without my husband.  I mean, I knew he wasn’t going to be there, but there was that moment early this morning when I first woke up and turned towards his side of the bed and I had to recall why he wasn’t there.

I had under estimated how that would effect me and subsequently, my day. It isn’t even that we haven’t been apart since we got married, because we have. We have spent several nights apart at various times in the last two years.

I don’t think I realized how much I have come to cherish our morning routine. We literally only spend 30 minutes together from the opening of our eyes to Derek rushing out the door, but I love those 30 minutes. Those minutes give us an opportunity to forecast our day, remind one another that we have a function after work or may be putting in a late day. Sometimes we suggest dinner options or decide to go out to eat. We pull Cali off her bed and Derek gets her all riled up before he heads out the door. She likes to run for her rope and play tug right when we are brushing our teeth or putting on our shoes.

I always sit on the bathroom floor and cuddle with Cali while we watch Derek go through his extremely predictable morning routine. She likes to bury her face in the crook of my arm until Derek calls her name enough times to make her lift her head.

I am so comforted by these moments each morning.

I did sleep in the middle of our California King-sized bed last night. I used one of Derek’s pillows so that I had a total of three. I didn’t have to fall asleep to the sounds of sports talk radio or worry about my tossing and turning waking him up. I didn’t have to lie in bed through three snoozes, each progressively getting louder until he decides to get out of bed. I didn’t have to move right in the middle of doing my make-up so that he could view the back of his hair to make sure it wasn’t “going Dennis the Menace” on him.

I didn’t get a kiss good-bye or a “Have a good day wife.”

I miss my love. He’ll be back soon, but today I really miss him. I have never realized how much I love mornings together until today when Cali didn’t get off her bed and I didn’t have to put all his toiletries back under the sink. I only poured one cup of coffee and I didn’t have to set out his banana for him. I didn’t make any plans for after work. As I left the house I glanced, for the tenth time, at the hastily scrawled note that he left on our bed for me to find.

When my phone rang half-way through the day and I saw his name and picture on my screen my heart swelled with love and gratitude. He doesn’t have to call, but he does.

He is always worried about me, making sure I am ok. He text me late in the day to make sure I had a good day and to tell me that he loves me. Even from afar he makes me feel loved, cherished and worth a stop in his fun day to contact me.

These are the days that I know my marriage is the greatest gift from God. Although I will enjoy a few moments alone to do things I wouldn’t normally bother doing while he is away, I will be counting the hours, the minutes, the seconds until my love is home.

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