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Synchroblog: A love letter to my body

Synchroblog:  writing simultaneously on the same topic, in different locations.

Women all over the world are doing it, loving it, allowing it to set them free… “A Love Letter to my Body”

I first read about it here, and she read about it here. I decided that I need to do this as well. So here goes…

To my body, so fearfully and wonderfully made,

I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t mad at you, not to mention disappointed in what you are. What you aren’t. Frankly, you disgust me sometimes. Worst of all, I worry that people judge me by what they see in you. Like, they won’t be able to get past you to see me.

I want people to see me. I realized that the only thing holding me back is me. Not you. You’ve done nothing but keep me alive, keep me relatively healthy and provide me with opportunities for growth and maturity. How have I repaid you? I have treated you poorly. Filling you with nothing but poison and then blaming you when you turn on me. Denying you the essentials for survival of the fittest and yelling at you when I can’t do what I want do to.

Most of all I resented you. Resented you for the pain I feel after I try and take care of you through exercise. Resented you for the stiff joints and swollen knees after I have done hard work. Resented you for phantom pain, poor sleep and sensative skin. Frankly, I have been mad. I don’t understand weakness and it is hard for me to deal with it. Why do I feel like you don’t love me either?

I realized that I have been wrong. Wrong to judge you, wrong to blame you and wrong to let my personal resentment of my own life choices dictate how I deal with you. Most of all, I have insulted my Creator by not loving you, not taking care of you.

No, you aren’t everything that I hoped you would be when we turned 30. Then again, you probably feel the same way about me. I need to come to a certain level of acceptance with you, knowing that the better I treat you, the better you’ll treat me. This relationship is a two-way street and frankly, I wouldn’t blame you if you just up and walked away. Left me in my shame. Left me in my judgment. Left me in the middle of yet another hard Monday morning workout trying to undo the beating I gave you over the weekend. You don’t need this! Why do you stay?

I think you stay because you love me unconditionally. No matter how I treat you, you still beat your heart and breathe air into your lungs. You process the food I eat and supply me with the nutrients I need.

I want to say thank you.

I want you to know that I am ready to renew my vows with you. I am ready to promise to cherish you in sickness and health. I promise to nurture and rest you when you are weak and enjoy you to the fullest when you are strong. I promise to treat you as you deserve to be treated so that we can live life together, to the fullest.

Let’s be honest, I want to grow old with you. I want to hold our children together and God-willing, our grandchildren. I already know that you are capable of amazing things. I know that you will sustain me and my children when I need you most. I know that you are committed to my happiness, my health and my heart’s desire.

I am going to stop judging you for what you look like and instead, appreciate what you do for me.

I love you, and I am going to start showing it. Every day, every decision. Thank you for not giving up on me.

It is you and me against the world. Let’s do this.

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2 comments on “Synchroblog: A love letter to my body

  1. Beautiful, Janna. It really is us and our bodies against the world sometimes. We can do it!

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